The Fotopages

Spending too much time on internet is at times not a very good idea. Especially when you keep browsing those pages fill with photos of your friends’ wedding, husband, wife, babies (in other words, families). It is good to actually keep in touch with their life through images they captured, but my so-called stubbornness in letting go of things made me hate myself everyday. Moments made me reminiscing so much that it made me asked, “what if”. Not that I don’t want these people to be happy. But, to know that my happiness is yet (or may not) coming near soon, *sigh… heartbreaking.

Sad sad stuff… will I change? Hopefully 2007 will see the cheerful me through and through.

It will, I just have a good feeling about it. I do.

The Depression

Signs and symptoms Bipolar disorder is characterized by an alternating
pattern of emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). The intensity of the
associated signs and symptoms varies. Bipolar disorder can range from a mild
condition to a severe condition, and there may be periods of normal behavior.
· For many people, signs and symptoms in the manic phase may include:
> Feelings of euphoria, extreme optimism and inflated self-esteem
> Rapid speech, racing thoughts, agitation and increased physical
activity
> Poor judgment
> Recklessness or taking chances not normally taken
> Difficulty sleeping
> Tendency to be easily distracted
> Inability to concentrate
> Aggressive behavior

· In the depressive phase, signs and symptoms include:
> Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt or hopelessness
> Disturbances in sleep and appetite
> Fatigue and loss of interest in daily activities
> Problems concentrating
> Irritability
> Chronic pain without a known cause

I have read these in the Sun, I thought I saw the symptoms in me (or displayed by me) at times. Am I? actually having this disorder?

The Travel Wish List

I wrote this while chatting with a friend, it sounded good, and I declared it being an awesome around-the-world travel itinerary. I hope the list will grow soon…And the adventure shall see me:

1… taking my mom to ISTANBUL
2… backpacking in INDIA
3… climbing MT EVEREST
4… sightseeing beautiful EUROPE
5… discover BIG APPLE
6… falling in LOVE in PARIS
7… exploring love in VENICE
8… snow skiing in SWITZERLAND with my kids
9… celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary in EGYPT

Then, I die smiling back in my homeland… the ever truly Asia, MALAYSIA… yezza!

My feet's dancing with the song of Love

It’s sad that these days I can’t just write without thinking too hard. I guess not all things should be put down in writing immediately. Some considerations may help me determined whether things are worthy be obsessed of and be told to the world right after it happened. I am telling this though, a week and a half after it took place.

Went to watch two very different kind of movies this month (well, there is no plan to watch any other). Firstly, the ever so joyful HAPPY FEET, as what Hollywood animation feature had always managed to deliver, this one did, one pure fun entertainment for two hours straight. Mumble and the gang succeeded in making me laugh that weekend.

As Ramon said, “…you did everything penguinly possible.” gotta love that…

Unfortunately, I moved from laughing too hard to actually cry at the movie… yeah, I am unashamedly admit that I weep while watching CINTA (thanks Joj, for the company), among the first mostly anticipated Malay movie I wanted to see so much. A week of obsession over the whole storyline, cinematography gripping every emotions displayed and the soundtrack later, I am cooled off now. It’s just (to me) prove that Malay movie scene can only sell with love-based story again and with that good of presentation, I bought it and it caught my heart good. I am such a sensitive freak.

“A little girl told me, that love is about letting go” I am still trying…

The Engagement

No, it's not mine again...

it's my sister's...

I am exhausted and tired of all the questions...

But my sister's gorgeous... and I am halfway there to feel at ease...

The "Bond"

It's been a while since I am out there watching movie in the actual cinema. And then the anticipated action flick comes to the big screen again. The known suave spy of all time is blasting the cinema again, to woo the ladies with his dashing looks and smooth moves, to be a hero and save the world. To me, this year’s double 0 seven is a little bit different; more modern, rebellious, lots of x-factor and most importantly; more appealing to me! heh. Thanks to two particular individuals or rather organizations, I got to watch it twice; two nights in a row and free! Talking about haven’t been out there spending night out in movie cinema, it seems like a revenge… well, it’s not, it’s just so happened that CASINO ROYALE is worthy of getting people to watch for free. And guess what? After all that, I just won another two movie tickets to watch… yes, CASINO ROYALE… hehehe… As tempted as I want to watch it again and stare at those blue gorgeous eyes of Daniel Craig the, James Bond, I might give those to my friend… honestly…

Gorgeous!

Having said all that, I definitely can’t wait for the next installment of James Bond’s movie coming to our movie screen so I can be amused again. Until then, it’s time for me, Jones, Diana Jones signing out for this week.

The Movie Date

And so the date is on. Yes, my very own celebrity movie-date with the one and only Mr. ANUAR ZAIN. We had a blast, taking pictures, talking face to face and actually witnessed how thin he really is. He is as friendly as we were expected, you know, being a celebrity and all. He sings my favorite song “keabadian cinta”, mingle around every fifteen minutes, the night were almost perfect until the chance to sit next to him perished to some lucky girl who won the draw. Still hoping I could win the grand prize to go for a trip to Hollywood with him. Second time always a charm? ;-)

Anuar Zain and I happy to be with each other ;-)

O, and the movie- CASINO ROYALE? AWESOME! Daniel Craig definitely my favorite Bond despite the critics he got! Good job James! With the addition we got to sit in the Gold Class Cinema, (imagine your own OSIM chair in front of a big plasma TV on daily basis) That's exactly how i felt! a Total relax and unwine thingy going on... gotta buy me one each ofthose things one day... ;-)

The pain in the heart and mind

The last entry had got me thinking long and hard. How was I so naïve in believing everything these people (being the married men) were self-professing to me? I should have known better from lots of stories told about similar circumstances.

The truth really is… they are full load of craps. How did I fall into that act of declaring eternal love to one but keep on loving another and continue producing those offspring like there’s no guilty conscience? Crap!

Screw all the sweet talking comportment. They were just meant to prolong my already melancholic love life. Such an embarrassment!

The Affair?

Letting go is hard. Especially when the person we once loved refuse to quit us (sounds familiar? Hehehe). Other than occasional text messages sent, the calls he made once in a while made it even harder, as it leave me in the position where I am neither move on or finally give it a rest. If you were keeping track of my life story, he’s the same so-called my true love whom I wished married to me, and yes, he still in love with me (or so I told) that I told you before.

The last phone conversation we had which is very recently made me cried so hard and missed him so much. The reminiscing moment was just too painful.

So, can this be called an affair? At least not to me, because I can only share that tiny part of his heart that mostly his wife’s now, I never wanted to break off any marriage. One may seems it is unfair but it is fair enough for me.

Then again, it is probably just my crazy way of thinking and living my life.

The Wedding

No, not mine… but a very close person in my heart: My Best Friend’s Wedding. As much as I wanted to help in any way I can, I managed to spend the whole three days helping her out if not so much. I was on leave on Friday, and just when I started to roll in with the position as the bridesmaid, my car got knocked down on the Federal Highway, bugger! And Noura, being the noble person that she always is, she helped us out to send the car to USJ. How can I not spend the next 36 hours helping her out after that!

We were late for picking up the wedding outfits, nevertheless we managed to complete the to-do list for that day, including all the flowers purchases etc.

The-Day:
The Mak Andam beautifully fixed the brides in the morning for Nikah, and the ceremony went well despite the very long ceramah by the Tok Imam, good knowledge being preached though. With all the new information that has been lectured, it was definitely something to take with me in the future.

Overall, the event (in both sides) was tiring at the same time, gorgeously well celebrated and not to forget a very emotional one for me. Felt like I have lost a part of myself that always kept me collected in this life. I know it’s silly because I will definitely still be in touch with her… it’s just… different.

Whatever reason I have, CONGRATULATIONS my friend for following the circle of life into another phase called marriage. Be a good wife, a good partner and a best friend. Like I said,

“…you managed to deal with our friendship, with a very difficult person like me, you WILL go through this beautifully like you always does in any situations”

It does make sense right?

The Towering Experience

Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow's father told her that the best thing a good man will do for his favorite lady in his life is bringing her to Paris at least once...

"the view from the KL tower"

In my case... to have almost the same experience here in our beloved hometown is to have that dining experience at our very own skycraper, The KL Tower. Although it wasn’t a man who took me, my best friend who invited me for lunch there made it an unforgettable experience I will definitely cherish. The buffet? Was so very delicious one!

We were there to spend the very little time left for her to end the single hood la la land. And I am glad we got to had that experience before she’s off to that entrapment called marriage… ops! no offense to all married people… I am just kidding…

p/s: I am so full! Burp!

Raya!

"Eid is for him whose fasts have been accepted by Allah, and whose worship has been appreciated by Allah. Everyday in which you do not disobey Allah is a day of Eid"

~Imam Ali (RA)~

I have been neglected Ramadhan a bit this year, unlike during my studying years when it was filled with activities that is closer to God (at least I hoped they did). Despite my lack of devotion to Him this time, I hope God still accepts my fasts which if not much; it had helped holding back my entire wrath and upset with different circumstances that’s happening around me.

And sooner or later, I wish some people actually sees how much I cared for them hence the way I reacted being any title that defines my life here on Earth other than as the Almighty’s servant.

To you all.... SALAM AIDILFITRI, MOHON AMPUN DAN MAAF for every misbehave, misspoken, misjudge and other misses that I might have missed. I am forever thankful for any kindness that's has been bestowed on me.

Somebody did it!

Yes... My previously published wish list actually got granted... at least two of them. My youngest sister bought a chifon kain for my baju kurung and both of my sisters also got me a bouquet of Gerbera flowers delivered to the office to celebrate the 29th year of my existence on earth. I guess blood ties who will finally understood and do something about it eh? That's all that matters I guess, knowing someone in my own immediate family do care although you might just ended up alone one day. Thanks guys... you are all so precious. Lovely!

o yeah, a LITTLE shout out to my BEST BUDDY - NOURA BINTI MOHD GHAZALI! HAPPY BIRTHDAY babe!!!!!! I bet this year's meant a lot more for you....

B'day B'month

" I guess I am on top of the world eh?"

Another year older and I am okay with it, I guess I have make peace with the issue... well, since I cannot run from it, why deny it? Not like I am in denial all these years, it's just hard previously when you see all your friends settling down and stuffs... I guess I have made peace with that too, different people, different destiny, mine may not be as what I have always imagine, but as long as I do not give up hope, I am pretty sure God has a great plan for me.

aamiiinnn....

LA - the trip in summary

8th September 2006

The day I received the news that I won a trip for two to Los Angeles to watch the Contender Finale, was over the top! The shock has been able to shut down my nervous system for a few minutes before I finally accepted the truth that I am going to live one of my American dreams (well, other than being one of Hollywood celebrities myself). Just when we thought those online contest or game were so hard to win, it actually snapped back at me and holler that I AM really a WINNER! So, from then on, I started preparing the things that needed to be taken care of therefore my trip will be smooth sailing.

I had chosen my sister to accompany me for the trip, the visa application was an ease and other chores/prep that follow were equally helpful such as those Internet surfing for information. There are lots of Contender materials carefully gathered to be taken with us and get those signed (if we were lucky) or whatever that can be our very own memorabilia. At this point, our heart was already in Staples Center although it was still (about) two weeks away.

24th September 2006

The day has come when we are going to board that plane to THE Los Angeles. 16 hours flying and the heavenly feeling have overtaken our numbness of staying in one giant piece of machine floating on air. For a claustrophobic like me, the contentment of going to USA had been able to make me forget about that very fear.

The Hotel was marvelous, very posh Victorian feelings. We definitely loved the beds, and the TV with lots of channels, made us forget about the jet lag we were supposed to have by then. We got even more excited every time we switched the channel to ESPN because we would be part of that LIVE! Couldn’t wait for Tuesday!

25th September 2006

Preparation day was tiring and enjoyable at the same time. After checking out the event location and made a few phone calls for confirmation, we visited LA tourists’ spots, such as the Universal Studios and Hollywood Walk of Fame. We also found ourselves time to cruise those Hollywood & Highland stores to find amazing outfits so that we could watch The Contender in style.

26th September 2006

The day is finally here. After two trains boarded to reach Pico where the Staples Center was located, we got down and stood by the traffic for a while, pinched ourselves and gulped at the fact that my own dream was becoming a reality. I kept saying, “Here we are!” to my sister. We walked and approached the building with the excitement that had been building up like crazy it could outgrow the tallest tree in the world. Finally, at the front door, we asked a few people the where about of the Will Call counter where we were supposed to get our tickets. And with the tickets in our hands, we entered the arena with a beaming smile glued to our faces throughout the entire evening.

We bought a few items at The Contender counter including the event book hoping that we could get all of The Contenders’ autographs. Just as we were about to step into our section, we bumped into Gary Baletto! Few moments of photograph sessions and autograph signing later, we finally found ourselves in our seat, 20 meters away from the ring!

There we were, just like one of those audiences we always watched on the television when we were watching the Contender every week. Although it would have been more exhilarating if we were 5 meters closer to the ring, the view was just as breathtaking from where we were. We didn’t get to have another close encounter with the rest of the Contenders as we hoped (there were just too many people!) but to get to watch all the excitement in front of our very own eyes, LIVE (!) was a priceless experience no currency could buy, well, except for AXN-ASIA who had sponsored us and for that I forever am thankful.

The fight was unbelievably worth a watch! From the under card fights of Vinroy vs Wright, Torres vs Curiel and Acevedo vs unknown to Bronze placing fight between Cornelius K9 Bundrage and Noberto “El-Gallitto” Bravo (both are my favorites) to the main event: THE FINALE! The purpose of the whole night altogether, the most awaited fight of the night, Steve “Two Pound” Forbes vs Grady “Bad Boy” Brewer! Mr. Steve Forbes didn’t realize my prediction though but Grady did an awesome job and he very well deserved the $500K! Good for him! I can’t find any other words that could describe how we felt that night in that very arena, but to sum up the fight? It knocked me off of my feet.

“The After Party”

It was late after the final fight was over, we were supposed to rush back to the Pico train station to catch the train back to our hotel, but we decided to check out the party we were invited to at The Palm Restaurant. With all hopes as wished from the very beginning of how the trip was planned, that was to meet and greet all the contenders and have all that autographs we wanted. After two hours and a glass of Coca Cola/Coke, there were still no Contenders in sight. Instead we had a nice chat with two of other Mark Burnett Reality TV shows – Rock Star: Supernova! -Ryan Star and Toby Rand with a glimpse of Lukas Rossi on the side (the winner). Good enough we thought and we finally decided to call it a night.

And, while we were walking away from The Palm Restaurant, we bumped into two among most awaited people of our evening: the living legend himself, Mr. Sugar Ray Leonard and The Contender 1 winner, Mr. Sergio Mora. I’d actually stopped them for a photo op, Mr. Sugar Ray with my sister (I was so jealous!) then the darn bodyguard

snagged him away. Then a few feet away, there was Sergio Mora

so I jumped on the chance to have a photo taken with him. After the two very exciting encounters, our disappointment waiting for hours in the restaurant slowly diminished and we walked home satisfied (well, almost satisfied on my part). Still hoped we bumped into others, but, no any lucky chance there. Bummer!

Nevertheless, the trip was an amazing episode of my life I will cherish until I die, and to share it with my sister is priceless. Wish I could take my whole family with me, but hey, it was sponsored and I couldn’t really ask for more. If I ever had the chance of getting money falling down from the sky, I would definitely be back in LA in a blink!

For that experience and all I am forever thankful to the AXN-Asia team who have made my dream come true. To others, I’d like to suggest for you guys to keep on watching that television and actually benefit something from it, I surely did!

Cheerios.

LA - the monologue

I am back baby! Let me tell you... it is good to be home. Actually close.. Still in Singapore, while waiting for our transfer flight to KL, so here we ( me and my sister) are killing time with the free internet @ the Changi Airport.

LA was great, we were deemed beautiful by the natives. I guess because we were different. Yes, we stay true to ourself despite people telling us to blend in very well. And we definitely blend in just fine. And to be close in contacts with celebrities are extravaganza... just as I am living my Hollywood dream. It was awesome! And we had survived the train and bus transportation, the night time side walking, the halal food searching adventure and a face to face conversation with the TV celebrities. Think Sugar Ray, Ryan Star and etc.. yes baby! we were talking mono-o-mono. Cool eh...

Then again, can't wait to go home... Mommy! we are going home!...

Will definitely babble about this LA thingy in later posts... trust me... prepared to be sick!

Good Fortune

been trying to access http://www.blogspot.com only to find out that if I want to edit this blog is through http://www.blogger.com... huh?

Remember me bragging about spending too much time in front of that box we all call the television? Just when I started to grieve over Storm elimination… (She is actually the perfect fit!) I received another news enough to make my heart beating fast for whole daylong. It happened while I am busy fulfilling my duty as a dedicated employee… there is a “You have a new message” message popped out from the bottom left hand corner of my computer screen. Seeing the subject “Win a trip for 2 to LA”, I thought it’s just another advertisement inviting me to join the contest so I wait for a while before actually reading it. And when I got time to do about it, a certain shock when through my system… I was soulless for a few seconds… and there it was…

Hi Nor Diana

Congratuation!

Please be informed that you have won
yourself a trip to the Contender Finale LIVE at LA!!!This is in favour of your
answer submission for the following question online:

Episode 5 Q How many times did Vinroy
land a punch on Grady's face in the first round?
Options: 3, 4 OR 5 Correct
answer: 3

See link below for the contest info /
rules for your reference.
http://www.axn-asia.com/buzzsites/the-contender2/contest-rules.html You are
entitled to a Four (4) Day Three (3) Night trip for 2 to Los Angeles, and Two
(2) tickets to catch The Contender finale match at Staples Center on 26
September 2006. Trip consists of air tickets and accommodation only.

You and your partner (both must be 18
years old or older as of 3 September 2006, with a valid passport) will need to
travel on 24 to 27 Sept 06 - reaching Malaysia on the 28 Sep (12 hrs time diff)

Please let me know if you're able to attend the event asap (by tomorrow - 7 Sep 06) -
please get back to me soon to confirm on the details:- your name and your
partner's name as in passport Cheerio Rachel

Hehehe…

For a known ambitious dreamer like me, news like this can make me smiles for months. Watching that TV all the while really paid of. This is my own reality TV goes live!

After only a while then only I regain myself to continue what I was doing and continue planning for the said holiday, (or so it seems).

I am watching Live Boxing Match baby!!! LA, here I come…

And the happy ending seems to go on now for a few more days till y’all get sick about hearing it.

my head hurts...

my latest ponder...

why do i hate few of my colleagues, i wonder... is it monday blues?.. or is it i am not a people person? I am okay with other people though... what is wrong with me? i wonder too much that my head hurts... \
why why why?
and for them to judge "unmarried women" being difficult? O MY GOD!!!! Them,who married who i think is boring rather than normal... very close-minded. Don't you agree?
i really hate these feelings!

RockStar Diary: Week 6

OK, it was Dana's unlucky week in week 5... to me, and I keep saying this to my sis "Dana Andrew looked so much like Drew Barrymore playing a rock chick in the movie". Don't you think? The truth is, she is one talented rock chick on the rise to become a superstar, the face was the only benefit of the doubt... and that what made her NOT a suitable fit for Supernova. Enough said!

This week's performance not less amusing than the week before. Every rocker stepping up a notch to do what it takes to forefront Supernova. One guy in particular decided NOT to compromise to the soul within him. Singing Interstate LOVE song by the STP (one of my favorite) had caused him placing in the bottom 3. Although Tommy Lee psyched drumming to the song, it doesn't save him for another week. (All my favorite guys has gone!!) Darn it! Following suit like any other Reality TV show, week 6 injected a twist in the RockStar:Supernova episode. Yes, another rocker got booted out too. And that my friend is Jill Gioa. She also sang one of my favorites, Mother Mother by Tracy Bonham. Haven't been able to get an mp3 file of that song though. hmm... So, two is out, eight rockers left and they are flying to LAS VEGAS. Lucky sons of guns!

In the end, despite me being sick the whole week, Rockstar never failed to boost up my mood every wednesday and thursday night.

ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!

Diary continues...

Work stressed me out lately... (Or was it from the very beginning of me joining the labor force itself?). Feel like crying every time gone back home. And me not wanting to change didn’t really help… And the war that’s going on (either the real attacks on Lebanon or the real battlefield in my mind) creeping me out each day… What did I do to change it? Nothing! Sad!

On a softer note, to a real passion of mind…

Rock Star Supernova Week 5:

Phil Ricthie got booted out last week. What a waste of ‘wobbly neck’ talent… too bad… for me. That’s ok, there’s Josh for my very own sight for sore eyes.

On a sure winning… My money is definitely on STORM LARGE this time. She is so a rocking cool chic! Not only she is talented and know MOST of the songs (during songs selection) and usually nailed them every time. She is also humble and helpful and all that. Ok, maybe I complemented her way too much. But she is! Just wish my prediction will be true. What? Did I make a wish? No... no… no wishing!!

*sigh*

Rock Star Supernova Diary - Week 4

I said it last week I will say it again:

Dilana is definitely be suitable for THE rock band namely SUPERNOVA!

She perform awesomely each week without fail! Even with Time After Time of Cyndi Lauper this week!

I was psyched watching the whole show every week! Definitely into it everytime it's on air...

My guess for final two? DILANA and STORM LARGE.

Two very interesting and talented women.... on the show...

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

I am worthy of much respect I totally deserve. As much as everybody else needed it. Then the world will become a better place to live.

Boycott

GIL GRISSOM was right.

"fantasy should be left unsaid" (that included dreams... and hopes...)

And I intend to do it... from now on.

Rockin' Fest

Feast my eyes with yet another amazing line of performance from the Rockstar wannabes... And when Josh did my favorite number very much similar with the original singer's last performance before the tragic death... I couldn't help it... but enjoying every bit. Josh did bring back memories but it doesn't bring the right essence to be the Supernova frontman! Yes, he sang COME AS YOU ARE of Kurt Cobain's or rather Nirvana's.. delicious! Another favorite of mine declared last night! Mr PHIL RITCHIE! yummy!

Having that being said, I would suggest Supernova to just pick DILANA as their frontman or err.. frontwoman? Because she is so phenomenal and she's fit right in. The tattoo and all... yeah!

A Collection of Thoughs

A Collection of Thoughs

A Twisted Logic Affair!

I did it! Actually… we did it! (My sister and I)

We went to Singapore, and dragging mom along to enjoy the so-called Great Singapore Sale, (or so they said). Trust me, when us go there, being Malaysians, and with the rate of RM2.2 per one S$1? Not that amusing I tell you. We ended up buying junks (well, maybe not worthless for someone else…). There’s something though.

What is the initial reason of going there anyway? To Singapore I meant. For the one and only COLDPLAY! Chris Martin, Guy Berryman (bass), Jonny Buckland (lead guitar) and Will Champion (drums) sure know how to made us spending hundreds of dollars just to sit 500m away from the stage and enjoy every beats of sound played for two hours stretch (more or less).

that is coldplay from afar... wish we are closer...

Remembering the night, surrounded by the unfamiliar faces (who oddly enough are mostly foreigners rather than Singaporeans themselves), the sound surely blasting into my ear for which might cause some hearing loss in addition to what I have and burning out my cornea due to perfectly arranged of lights and displayed. It was all worth it!

The songs still ringing in my head, implying it was the best event of the year I will always remember.

... we live in a beautiful world...

... Give me time give us a kiss, Tell me you're a Politik, And open up your eyes, open up your eyes (x3)...

... If you could see it then you'd understand, Oh, when you see it then you'll understand...

... Cos you were all "Yellow," I drew a line, I drew a line for you, Oh what a thing to do, And it was all "Yellow."...

... I never meant to cause you trouble, And I never meant to do you wrong, And I, well if I ever caused you trouble, O no, I never meant to do you harm...

... Maybe you'll get what you wanted, maybe you'll stumble upon it, everything you ever wanted, in a permanent state...

...Where do we go nobody knows, Don't ever say you're on your way, down, When god gave you style and gave, you grace, And put a smile upon your face...

...Are you lost or incomplete? Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece...

... The streets you're walking on, A thousand houses long, Well, that's where I belong And you belong with me...

... In my place, in my place, Were lines that I couldn't change, I was lost, oh yeah...

... Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you...

And with that… I am totally fixed up to something better than drug better than everything else that could bring me a smile across my face. What a wonderful episode to juiced up 2006! Indeed it was! While at it, the scary incidents experienced while navigating along the unfamiliar streets and blocks of buildings in Singapore were overridden by the excitement of the best Coldplay affair!

O, did I tell you? they also squeeze in a moment where they paying tributes to the late Johnny Cash! Awesome! totally Awesome!!

... ring of fire... ring of fire...

Wish my younger sis was there with us...

The BIG finale closing in...

O yeah.. despite me being blue last month.. July is definitely fill with a lot to lookout for. And apart from what i have been babbled in previous entry, this one is another major feature not to be missed, Italy vs France match! Hope I can watch it in the hotel!

Definitely put my money on the Azurri team! Wish I can say something in their language while supporting them. Yeah, Like any one paying attention to that rather than watcing the big finale!!!

Go Italianos!!!!

Rock Star Mania strike again!

My obsession begins again. This time for a newly created band initiated by Tommy Lee of motley Crue, and together with James Newstead of Metallica and Gilbert Clark of Guns n Roses, they are looking for a frontman. Okay okay, I am not trying to make an extended promotion of that show in any way. That! Is to show my excitement again for the show despite I wasn’t really looking forward it prior its debut live!

The Rock Star:Supernova!

My choice for the preliminary round:
Mr J.Logan... he is so delicious for a rock star, and the soul within? o Brother! I like! a definite heartbreaker!

Too bad Matt has to be voted off first... but as what showed off to us audience, he didn’t bring the song Yellow justice anyway... it was just okay. Then again, who can sing like Chris Martin sings? Well, maybe one can... I just haven’t seen a duplicate just yet. Speaking of Coldplay... Guess what? I'll be seeing them LIVE in Singapore July 10th, Monday night, can't wait!!!

After that? I am soo looking forward to watch this season of Rock Star, I may not vote but, I definitely will enjoy the sight seeing and eventually day dreaming when one of those rock star can actually be mine...

Heheh... dream on, dream on... like A Rock Star will actually lay eyes on me?

A girl can definitely hope!

And then there's hope...

Knowing my sisters that well, I know one of them loves children so much and the other is on a neutral level :-) i.e. whenever she saw a very charming one, she'll adore one. Weirdly enough (when the latter one being neutral and such), for some mystifying reason, the children always drawn to her even though me and my younger sis crazy about those little kids. I guess kids do get attracted to what they thought a pure heart when us adult least likely to show our affection (not trying too hard I mean) and instead, we should just smile at them. So take not all of you who wanted to impress the kids (this advice is not applicable to you, pedophiles eh!)

One day, during our routine mobility from home to work and vice versa, the time when we managed to get our seat in the train, there’s a few incidents when you get a deep sleeper as you seating partner, and he or she will somehow cannot made their head to stay still and their neck and had to lean down.. (I hate those moments). And my sister, always made her point to not let any single adult strangers have their share in leaning their heads on the her shoulder when they fast asleep the minute they got to sit. She will do anything, be it giving a nudge or any sign that means “excuse me, I am not your shoulder to lean on” well, sort of speak.

Have that being said, and going back to my babbling about her being loved by children and all, one day, one kid actually had a sweet dream napping on her shoulder all the way from KL to Batang Benar (which is our stop). She just sits still and let that boy be until we have to get off the train. The father of the boy was so embarrassed that she just smiled and said she didn’t mind at all. And so I capture that precious moment and actually thought to myself, that “there is still hope”... And that; only we understood.

O father

I know Father’s day is belated, but June still is the month for the celebration, very much so… and contemplating on that, I do have something to say about it. The rest of this article might be unfair to a certain individual, but I rather like my voices heard therefore the rest of the individuals would do better for their children and ensuring a happy home on this earth. Let me tell you a story.

There was a kid; she grew admiring her father so much that she long for his approval in everything she did. She even wanted to follow his footsteps to become what her father was, in the navy (thank God she chose a different path!). Life gets tougher when the sisters were born; her dad’s attentions were all on them if not work or outside of home. Then she decided to struggle, got good grades, take care of the little sisters, basically being an obedient eldest daughter, and she even joined his Tabligh movement, learn all the Surah by heart when every other kids her age busy playing and not bother about the world around. Still, he is very hard to please. He saw everything she and her sisters did as another rebellious act to get what they want. Yet, all she wanted is “that’s very good, girl, keep up the good work”, not all the presents he promised if she ever got 1st place in academic achievement. (Still, she did not get everything despite winning first every year).

Then he started becoming mean… money was definitely the family constraints. Mom has to work; the girls were being independent beyond their years at that time. Unfortunately, dad did not value those sacrifices. Guess he just wanted more although he couldn’t give more. From an unfortunate event after another the following years, their father finally left them, for another woman. What worst is, he never put an effort to call her and her sisters regularly to at least showed he cares although he cannot gives any money (still?). All that admiration for him and backing him every time she did for nothing?

It is heartbreaking to see how she’s react in June every year. I wish she‘d stay strong for the rest of the family. Judging from the experience, I believed men frightens her. She always wonder if she ever married a man that could be the best father her kids will ever have. It is scary, comparing that to my life, knowing the men I met in my life that I almost suck him into my world… it is sad! So… am I wrong to be skeptical on this matter… it is all seems so similar… seems so much like me…. Can it be?

P/s: the card is till unsent, when will I have the courage to say… “I love you dad”

From one heart to another

What happened when you put two single ladies together in the room? Even for two completely different individuals who seldom talk, they actually have at least ONE thing in common, that is both shared some same unfortunate luck in love. A heart to heart talks/ a confession/a letting out things out of our chest and what else you call it session. After a very long conversation discussing that ONE matter, in the end, we decided to collaborate to have sweet revenge for self-redemption in future (with careful deliberation and planning that is). If only we were that cruel…

The findings from the swapping stories moments were shocking if not as predicted. How I was duped! The cliché of “romance in the office is a no-no” is a true fact not to be ignored in our course of life. Provided men are acting the same as what displayed in front of our eyes from 8 to 5.Well, at least to us… There’s…

1. …a sweet talking player.
2. …a hypocrite sweet talking player.
3. …a definite heart breaker
4. …a hot stuff who knew he is a hot stuff.

And others whom I may or may not discover yet…

Poor us for believing one could change for the better, and pity us for wanting to give others a chance and cause us to neglect those who care for us on daily basis. Then again, when one have someone faithfully standing by who cared for her since forever, the other one have a shoulder to cry on very far out of reach that breaks her every time when peace surrounds.

Bluish Sky

This whole week has been a battle of emotions for me, and despite I am feeling:

1. ...like a black sheep in the family,
2. ...like a lost puppy,
3. ...lonely like a freak high school kid,
4. ...unworthy of beling love,
5. ...intimidated,
6. ...tired,

I did lost another 0.5 kg. WooHoo!! And, that.. had just made my week.


p/s: I think I like these listing things out... will stick to it for more entries to come.

Wish List

I am publishing this wish list just in case someone noticed and will do something about it.

;-) hehehe

My Wish List by the end of the year of 2006:
1. SEIKO Watch
2. ZERO balance for all my credit cards
3. New pair of Jeans
4. New pair of suits
5. Get that chifon baju kurung I always wanted
6. Get a flower for my birthday
7. Achieve that goal weight
8. Enrol in Creative Writing Class by Sharon Bakar
9. Furnish all the rooms in the house.

nine wishes for now... save one more for the best one could ever wish for.

Points to ponder

"...A misyar marriage is contracted between a Muslim man and a Muslim woman of some means where the woman is aware of the man's impecunious circumstances and, in return for the marriage, foregoes her traditional right to expect the husband to provide for her upkeep...
The suggestion caused uproar among some Muslim men and women who considered such an arrangement to be demeaning because it made the man looks like an Islamic stud and the woman sex-hungry. But it was defended by the President of the Single Mothers' Association of Malaysia as a solution to the problem of women who only wanted the “protection” of a “mature and responsible” man. As the woman can provide for herself in every other respect, the husband's ability to feed and clothe her is unimportant. And such marriages have not been unknown – several women in her own family were married to men with lesser incomes.
I agree that Malays should utilize their time and energy on solving problems of academic, social and economic under-achievement. Leave misyar alone. It is not new, it has been practiced at least 1,400 years since the Prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him, married Khatijatul Kubra.
It is not necessarily about sex; that's why many Muslim women are still single. They want the right partner – mature and responsible who can be a good husband although not an ideal provider. Otherwise they would have married just about anyone. I know a number of Malay women who have had a number of suitors with anyone of whom they would have gladly set up house but their over-choosy parents had turned down these suitors and the daughters are too filial to disobey..."

I came across these comments made by Tun Hanif Omar in yesterday Star newspaper. He is totally right; Malaysians should be stopped in being brought to this kind of information to their mind. Do we need to worsen the statistics of divorces among Malays as it is now? Aren't there any more vital concerns that need our attention to be focused on for better future to young generations for future prosperity? Judging from this disappointment, it should be cleared hat this coming from a 'still single career woman" and I totally uncomfortable with the suggestions despite polygamy had been practiced since forever.

I hope men do not see this as another excuses to relieve those lusts that seems never enough, and women to not feel depreciated of being a woman… We deserve everything and anything better if not equal treatment. We do! God help us.

Hold up hold up...

Is it just me or is this blog has become a place to show off now? This is so not intended... Pardon me... I am just being so happy and determined to be different.. and some kinda loving feeling could be one of the factor... Could be... could be... or I might just be lost in my own territory... It's a good territory though... Some people may just won't allow to see me at ease.. darn those people...

Take a deep breath...

fuh...

Be at peace, be at peace...

I can sing!

you know what... I do believe I can sing... I just picked a wrong song to sing (as Simon would put it) I may not be Taylor Hicks who brilliantly made all song like his own... but I can definitely be Katherine McPhee... hehehe.. (masuk bakul angkat sendiri)

singing... o, o, o, o, o, o, o-o-o-o

Me being Fit

The recently frequent visit to the gymnasium (6 hours to be exact) had shed me off:

0.5 kg
300 kJ Calories

That is provided the machine is accurate though. I always have this insecure feeling of technology giving us the right information. But, this time, my skepticism has been overridden by my determination to achieve my goal weight… so; I am going to keep my dedication to this one thing if not for another bigger more important stuffs.

Pretty cool for a girl who is inactive in sports huh? The last time being healthily active was 10 years ago…that is quite a long period. It is about time I started to take care of my health again. Now that I am getting old and the probability having someone to take care of me when I am old; should I say pretty slim? So, got to prepare for the worse… or the better in this case.

Crazy little thing call Love

The decision I made on a certain things and the remark some people made when we do voice our hopes and dreams, "yeah, sure,.. but tak pernah la couple ngan budak pakai tudung" keep ringing in my head these days. That caused me to fall for guy who lived thousand miles away, yet for some reason show an interest by just knowing only how I look in pictures and how do I sounds like on the telephone. Is this really where the course of my love life lead me to.. to the neverending complicated story of my life... did i mention he is a Christian? Can it get more difficult than this?

p/s: then again... mungkin juga cinta aku hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan...*sigh*

May 06, the happenings and 'The Birthday'

This month can nearly be summed up as somewhat interesting... with a lot going on. There's vacation, the treasure hunt, the gymnasium occasional visit, signing up for yet another cupid services, attended a party I was usually find an excuse not to be included and lastly but not least, make mom happy almost everyday...

Pretty sweet for a very emotional girl like me and have for some reason had made me more resilience to actually let myself involved in a get-together activity. So I did went to last Saturday gathering, and there was a few awkward moments where I didn't understand anything they were talking about since i was the only one who were not in their previous activities... Still.. surprisingly I kept my optimism up and enjoy the rest of the day. Thanks Joji for sending me home back to Nilai.

Yesterday was ma's birthday, we planned a lot of things for that particular day, but since Adik is not at home, we decided to scale down... instead of that fancy restaurant down in KL, we celebrated at the humble pizza joint namedly Pizza Hut in a very secluded area in Bandar Baru Nilai. That is only after the plumber fixing our kitchen sink though. Then there's the time when mom have to open up the prizes... we spent quite a time tried to find a perfect gift... then it hit me... Mom always wanted to go places, visit Istanbul, Australia, basically... travel around the world. And, since we cannot afford that costly present for now, we bring the world to her instead. Pretty cool eh? Now i know where Hawaii is.. hahahahaha.. here's a glimpse of that thing we gave ma as her 54th Brithday present.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA... FOR MORE YEARS TO COME... WISH WE CAN LIVE AND DIE TOGETHER... LOVE YOU ALWAYS... MMMUAHSS....

Land below the wind

We went to Kota Kinabalu on the first weekend of May 2006. Supposedly that is our very debut for more family vacation to come in future. Insya Allah...

It was a worthy experience to share between us, my mom, my two sisters and me. Too bad dad got to miss this. The journey begins in LCCT, we had lunch at the airport first since the food on plane so darn expensive! But, we still do bought the airline food on the way back... for the sake of trying it... rather "Indah khabar dari rupa menu"...

We were staying in Le Meridien Kota Kinabalu, a very nice hotel indeed! The standard room with to twin bed definitely worth the money we were paying... the room was so spacious! We glad we didn't get two rooms for four occupants. And knowing my workaholic sister, the internet access is just like a match made in heaven for her. So, I'm glad everyone is happy... I know I am... o.. there is a DVD player with a Plasma TV in the room, so, we did bought a DVD to kill time by watching it at night.

Tried hard to fully occupy the precious three full days, we manage to fill the first day by visiting all the landmarks there are exist in KK. There is Signal Hill to watch over town from atop of the hill, then we went to Bangunan Yayasan Sabah, the most unique building in Sabah.

Then we went to Museum which is boring but as long the others enjoying it. Then at the close vicinity, we were introduced with all houses representing differents ethnics in Sabah, in the Kampung Wawasan. We went ahead to go take a look at the oldest railway station in KK, the North Borneo Railways, too bad we cannot enjoy the ride. The station and train was very old school, like it very much. Last but not least before we had nice dinner by the waterfront, we take a one or two shots in the rain by the beach of Tanjung Aru. Kak Rohana really went a distance to bring us to all those places... we will always be grateful for that.

With Mr Simon the next day, we actually got to visit the famous highest mountain, Kota Kinabalu. Well, at least at the lowest part of it although it will be cool if we can at least be at the nearest to the mountain top, touching the cloud. Now, that will be awesome eh?!! It is also such a shame that we didn't get to go island hopping. Some other time maybe, we will have that adventurous holiday instead, moutain climbing, scuba diving (Yeah right?) etc etc etc...

In the end.. It was indeed a worthy exprience worth remembered for a very long time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After all that?... the debt is piling up like crazy... And I still couldn't figure out how can i get extra income to reduce the burden and then organize more vacations. I guess I do, do things without thinking carefully... I really am in need of an accountant... Anyone can do it for free? hehehe.. at least for now... will pay later when the money tree grows. Yeah right.. another wishful thinking... Well, doing the things that I did and will, all due to make mommy happy. And, when she's happy, I can rest in peace...err.. hypothetically speaking...

me? singing idol? possibly, maybe,... NOT

I hurt my jaw last night... it started off right after Maghrib prayer, it went all numb and made me want to cry everytime i touch it. Didn't want to pop any pain killer, i let the pain alleviate itself while watching the amazing race finale! (reality does hurt... heh) The sore came up right after I was trying to hear how my voice sounds like in recording (using my hp i.e.). I was belting out Awan Yang Terpilu by Ning Baizura! It's all due to the American-Idol-like thingy going to be held in our office. The result? I would predict Simon Cowell would have said "it's completely and utterly a disaster". I never thought I might hated hearing my own voice through a device. All these while to wait for the right moment to do that 'thing-to-do list of mine' turns out it is just an embarrassment waiting to be displayed! (singing in public i.e.) And.. worst, all these while my mom said my voice is good was due to not hurting my feelings...*sigh* So much for sending that demo tape now... forget about it!

Jeez.. what was I thinking?

p/s: I still think I could do a voice over though.. hehehe

The Code

I am now deep into Robert Langdon's world... kinda prepared before the big screen. Not much time, so have to hurry. Has that been said, please take note (should you are the frequent reader…) this blog will be abandoned for a while, until the code is broken.

MY EGO PLAN IS IN ANGOLA

Later…

Weirdly flattered

The weirdest thing happened to me last Friday, okay, maybe not weird to some people, but definitely a first for me. It was while I am driving to another work place of mine down in PJ. Right at the Pantai traffic junction, when the light is red, I was doing my stuff, stretching, looking at right and left, glancing towards another car... then suddenly this man driving a Honda next to me take notice and wanted more attention from me. Thinking that is nothing, I drove away the minute the light turned green. Suddenly I was taken by surprise when I looked at the rearview mirror, he followed me! He kept flashing his high beam light asking me to stop at the side of the road, thinking… ”Did I hit him or something?” and he won’t take no for an answer, I was terrified, dunno what to do and stopping at the side of the Federal Highway is not an option… so I kept on going and since he is still following, I finally stopped very near to my office building. And he did too! He went out of his car, I rolled the window down decided not to go out too, cause it could lead to more terrible things if I am unlucky… “God Forbid!” Seeing he’s walking towards me… “Here we go… who is this guy, what could have he wants from me?” God knows lots of things played on my minda at that very moment. Then there he is… at my window:

Me: “Yes?” (what is it?)
Unknown guy: “Hi, I nak kenal la”
Me: (What?! Huh!) with a very confused face
Unknown guy gave me his card: “you ada handphone no”
Me: “oo… hmm, nanti I call you kay?”
Unknown guy: “ok, nama you siapa”
Me: “hmm… Diana, hmm.. okaylah, later, I gotta go”
Unknown guy: “okay, nice to meet ya..”
Me: smile insincerely and drove way.

What? All that scares and just for the sake of getting to know me? Is that what people do these days…? The world is definitely getting creepy, and finding a normal one special kind of love now is just getting more complicated.

*Sigh*

Looking back at that daunting incident, I was slightly flattered though… someone’s actually notice… in a very bizarre way… a very eerie way indeed. What a day it was…

Sleeping partner

This is my sleeping buddy at night... introducing the 'red devil'... no.. not because of my love of football, simply because it is my cute little red devil...

Playing the Game...Right

My self-esteem has never been high due to last week event that gave me some level of confidence I thought I lost it (strange but true). The event somehow thought as another new beginning for more good things to follow after. I know of it… well, I hope it does. There’s a thing about confidence that makes you want to do so much at one go. You were like pumped up to be associated with lots of stuffs even with one that you thought impossible before. And when people actually take notice of you, it inspires you to ensure you will excel in everything that you do or at least give back some faith when it is nearly forgotten. But, it kinda depressing when at the end of the day, you found yourself made a few silly mistakes and wish you could do better, and worst when there’s those looks people make that made you feel guilty of the seven deadly sins, or at least one of them. Then again, that’s a circle of life kan?

Met a friend for coffee yesterday, initially to discuss about some work transaction that I am not exactly the expert although I am working there. Come to think about it, I do not know most of the important stuff about my organization. That’s not a good consciousness. Hmm… coming back to the meeting, the funny thing about is it I actually keep hoping since the first time we met, “…that he must be single…” although one can actually make a quick deduction that he is not when one take a good look at him. And when such thought kept playing in your mind, you have this undefined feeling every time he contacted you although all the signs was there that this is not what I am suppose to hope for anything at all. Thank God for the positiveness I am trying to work at, I am playing the game anybody would like to initiate, be it not at my territory at all and the result of that game as of now I’d say a win-win. We’ll see what happened in the next round or perhaps another match with another opponent another time. Who wants to play?

Read one article last time about things to do before you die, among them are “befriend with someone at least fifteen years older than you..”. How’s 48 with a lot I can learn from? well, if the lessons are worthy of learning ;-) I think I can strike that one in the ‘to-do list before you die’ eh?

I'm sooo tired...

How tiresome made you think of so many things at the same time...

"... my back is killing me ...this bladder problem is giving me the creep. Is it because of the heavy lifting ...?" (thank God, the massage really helps... thanks bibik)

"... God, how do we get to keep all these junks all these years?..." (still keeping it though)

"... (on last week episode of CSI), Nick is so not cute with moustache..."

"I wonder how many mails I have since the last time I accessing the Internet due to my leave of absence from work for a WEEK!..."(wondering if I still have friends who cared)

"... How do I get an extra income to cover back all this expenses of moving into this new home of ours..... plan plan plan... creative writing class by June, started writing seriously in September... got accepted by January, got a first royalties by March..." (a high hopes right here, yet not doing anything about it)

"What was I thinking buying a handphone not to my standard, at least not now..." (nevertheless, like my new gadget very much)

"...I just found out that Jon Bon Jovi married his Highschool sweetheart... and still is" (wish I had the same luck)

"I wish a lot of things...." and today...

Having a wealthy dad or husband surely is a blessing if my intention is to be like Oprah, Bon Jovi, Angelina Jolie. etc etc etc... you know, giving back to humanity. Not being able to let myself to think of others by donating monetary values for the moment as we were living scraping by, made me hated myself sometimes. Then again, those unfortunates will have a piece of my heart and mind in all my prayers... Insya Allah.

How tiresome made us remember how small we are and bring us closer to God... Thank heaven I am still sane... I'm just soooo tired.. I could barely bring myself to do my job... now.. at this moment...

*sigh*

what is it with me...?

On the way back from kemas2 at our new home, while driving with my mommy, was listening to the Fly FM for the mash for cash thingy, still didn't get it though, and while on it,we were listening to Weezer's Perfect situation over and over again in one day.. then, at the fifth time it aired on Fly, I started to pay attention to Rivers Cuomo's voice and suddenly I am sucked into the sound like I never heard it before... he do have a deep, different and a haunting voice for a nerdy looking rock star... (kinda what I had in mind for a partner.... at least if tall dark and handsome is nowhere to be found.. hehehe).

The lyrics are another different story... he's a pretty sight i won't mind lingering in my brain for the next few days... and suddenly I am ."..singing.. ooOO.. ooOO.. ooOO.. OOOOO singing, oo..oo...."

My own Home Sweet Home

Been spending another weekend in our new home which we will officially occupied on Tuesday night 11th of March 2006, and offcially transferring the stuff on Saturday 15th of March 2006. Can't wait... been observing the kitchen cabinet deployment last Friday. Nice one indeed, although wish I could first extend the back of the house by occupying the whole 9 feet ground at the back yard not allowing any grass to grow... then again... some other time.. when the time is right, and money is there. ;-) One thing though.. wiring is still the problem.. gotta wait for Monday for it to be fixed... I hoped my patience is still at a safe level before i burst out to them pemaju and the contractor for doing such a lousy jobs to satisfy their customer especially as nice as me.. if not.. trust me, I'd be on their no 1 Hate list.

Forgetting all the hate stuff... I actually can't wait to live in a property that I can proudly called my own... be it i am in debt for the next 30 years... (hope I can live that long...)

Home sweet home, here I come... Alabama... ops.. more like Nilai Impian... where one of my dream finally came true.. Mommy.. this is for you indeed.

Unwanted yet standing strong...

She cried last night after the thought of she's over it, and it upset the rest of the family all over again...and it cause me to reminiscing...

I was introduced to a boy known to be THE one in a million for at least 5 years of acquaintances, until he broke the actually-very-fragile heart of my little sister. Just when I thought he could at least change our melancholic living family and extended it for a bigger happier home, he shattered all those dream with ridiculous excuses. So they say men can change, didn't think this give rather a huge slap to the family's face.

To whom it may concern, I thank you for ruining our heart (yet again in a totally different circumstances), for breaching our trust, for putting another shame to our life, for damaging our reputation and for all the unacceptable reason, only God can repay on behalf of us, the weak link. Yet, thank you for the knowledge that may or may not be beneficial.

The incident that followed... did not help at all.

Got introduced to a single guy by a friend with intention to help me ending all these silly unfortunate events that looked like a curse to our family and.. of course to help me out as I am getting older and still single. Surprisingly enough he rejected the matchmaking idea the minute he looked at my photo in http://www.friendster.com I guess it's just prove how they are all the same when they denied the idea we labeled them as shallow. Am I losing it? Have I reached my prime? That is a very scary thought to digest, and being the positive person I am trying hard to become, I'd be feeling low for the next few hours (70% +ve). By noon, I'll be saying "...it's His Lost!..." it is definitely is.

The longest walk...

I took the hardest and the longest way to the office today, solely because of the need to save money for the other things that, to me, worth the tiresome journey and a hunger strike (among the efforts to save the RM). To lose a few kilos of fat after that... will make things and time worthwhile, or so I hope. In another word, priceless... Walking was fun, remind me of the old days when bus is the only public transportation that is affordable, (wow, felt kinda too old as i am writing this), accompanied by good music in my I-Pod Shuffle (or rather my sister's) made the walk even more enjoyable. It felt like I am in my own music video... walking with attitude, smile with satisfaction and breathing at ease despite the toxic disposal out of the automobiles. And to share it along with hundreds other servants to the corporate world in this money-based era, made myself fit in for once... in the space full of strangers.

Walk the line...

D & D

I got my finger on the trigger
But I don't know who to trust
When I look into your eyes
There's just devils and dust
I feel a dirty wind blowing
Devils and dust

I got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust

We've got God on our side
We're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It'll turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

Now every woman and every man
They wanna take a righteous stand
Find the love that God wills
And the faith that He commands
I've got my finger on the trigger
And tonight faith just ain't enough
When I look inside my heart
There's just devils and dust

Why Gedeon Mckinney?!!!!

Another disappointment in the American idol story, at least the frustration is on me as a fan. Of those boys (who are actually all good), I was hoping Gedeon will make it through Top 5. I guess he’s not American’s favorite, or the votes wasn’t enough to keep him in the final 12!!! this is just wrong...

WHY!!? WHY!!???

I think He is one a raw talent that one of recording companies out there had to sign him up!! They must!

By the way Gedeon, my heart is out for you all the way.

Bring back the glamour...

(07/3/2006)
Just when I thought Grammy not WOW enoug, Oscar is not dissappointing, with glamour glory as a theme, it was indeed an exquisite night to remeber. And as were expected, my boyfriend, Mr George Clooney bag the best supporting actor award, and CRASH won most of the important achievement, screenplay and best picture! woohoo!! O yeah, Reese wins! Over all, when grammy was not all that entertaing, Academy sure had made my month, with John Stewart's politically incorrect jokes... I think he's ok.

Last but not least, things I do here and in my life for what it concerns is what I'd say:

"I am just trying to matter..."

I truly am. Thanks June Carter Cash, and thanks Reese for brings that up...