Extremist

Should I decide to the extreme? The extreme idea that I loathe the opposite sex? I depended on them somehow, well, at least on certain things. Be it at work or other stuffs, something someone has to make me feel superior so I can carry my job well. And obsessive-compulsive maniacs are not helping. I hated one particular situation; I blame it on everything and everybody else. Why did I smile and got misunderstood? Why did I frown that scares people of, why did I swallow all hard when I should spit it out? As confiding is not an option, and sharing is just forbidden. For another ear could lead to another story told, and another burden released is another load gained.

suffocated

How do you kick someone off your butt really? This one particular guy has got me being critically suspicious of the male species. The hidden agenda was so hideous, and then it becomes intolerable. How do I keep my faith when things like this keep coming for this past three years? I have screwed up big time! And I definitely need to lay back low, so low that I passed the lowest limbo dance. What a roller coaster ride this journey has been. I hope this guy learn soon enough that the phrase “Don’t judge book by its cover” is actually meant as it says. And I am not excluded. What a week… a horrible week indeed.

Lately...

Lately days have been a dread. Routines are just dull. Travelling seems to be never-ending. Friends are just another human beings, colleagues look like another world-class enemy and family has only become a responsibility. Come to think about it, I have been complaining on the same thing all my life. It has become another bad movie shown to help out those D-class actors and actresses. Then again, real life is the real movie in action. People pretending they are somebody else in everyday course of life. You don’t believe it… then, take another look around. You’ll see two people talking with hand playing gestures, could be fury, dissatisfaction, argument or plain comedic performance filling up times with nothing useful spoken but thrash. Then you’d see one man show when someone in a 3 piece suit explaining something to his subordinate about nothing but crap. O yeah, who can forget those housewives that are so desperate for attentions; they made up stories just to wreck a perfectly quiet neighbourhood. What about those bullies beat up innocents for no reason? And those little kids who playing all day with no worries at all… What is the truth behind all those scenes? People do things they do just to get out of wherever they are, whatever they are doing and what could have happened if they stood still. Life is upredictable but we treated like we knew what’s gonna happened tomorrow and we just live as it is today. Will I regret the 27 years of my life should I die tomorrow? What a shame, there’s nothing to be proud of when I left for seven feet under ground when the time comes. All of sudden there’s rush of blood to my head, what have I done, what can I change now, who’s there to help… God… Time is definitely running too fast. I don’t want this movie to end… not now… at least not before dawn tomorrow. Lots of dreams yet to come true, lots of deeds yet to be done, lots of ‘amalan’ need to be prepared. I am officially scared right now.

p/s: lots of things yet undone before 2008… gotta run…

Case of the EX…

After a long wait of 10 years, I finally got the closure to the end of what I unembarrassedly call, my first true love letting go of. Despite he is happily married, it was a joy to hear that voice again. The same voice, the same guy (pretty much)… might have been different if it was face-to-face conversation, but telephone’s is just as good as it gets. To what it worth, things could have been different as we recalled the old days, but things may be just as good now. How an EX made us evoke the old days and made me re-evaluate all the things we do to the extend, I could have done something else, I could change history, is interesting. Then again, History is what made us human, doesn’t matter how bittersweet. I hope the history I am about to make for future memories are as sweet as candy, as cherished as the Independence Day. I realised how I loved somebody and how I am loved and… how I am able to do and felt that is beyond belief. There is still hope for me to make a good judgement. I hope he will come again in a different form of human being that could appreciate me just the same.

… on cloud nine indeed…