Before a Longggg Holiday

Just feel the need to jot down something, before I actually forgot i have a blog. ya know... gone for a long holiday and all... and the Internet connection back at home was just... not helpful at all.

Feel like missing someone, but that someone's life is a forbidden territory... and it's only fair for me to keep the distance, still, if he do call, I pick up the phone the second it rings. :-)

The urge to go visit Bali just getting stronger everyday, will I be brave to venture it alone? Will it be safe? will I count on somebody when I was there. I have to do this, go holiday alone... one of the thing I need to do before 30 and let me tell you, it is not very long now. Why Bali you must ask, well, I kinda need to oversea, most of South East Asia Countries are on the same main land with Malaysia Peninsular and Singapore is just a bus away. The next best thing is Indonesia, with Bali the most desirable place have got to be explored. But with all the bomb and stuff, I'd be lying if I say it doesn't bother me... it does, but one has got to have faith sometimes.

favorite song this week: Run by Snow Patrol...

And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

I know we'll make it anywhere

Away from here...

Raya is in two days or three.. either way, it's just a celebration for completing the one month fasting for me. Nothing else, nothing else... "Di mana kasut, di mana baju, di mana?..."

my precious...OR could have been...

from 19th to 25th OCT

Just when I thought I can take a long rest for the five days holiday I took off from work... It ended up to be so darn tiring... nevertheless, felt satisfied in the end, all the target projects is successfully completed, all the plan is carefully carried out, and the never-ending supposedly chasing a dream job is again attempted.

A sad event occurred in the middle, our beloved First Lady died last 20th, after years battling out breast cancer, turned out God loves her too much and take her away from the cruelty on this world. In the end, the kindness she potrayed to Malaysia will always be remembered and may she rest in peace, Al-fatihah.

The business I ran for the month Ramadhan is going well, the process was so tiring I got headaches every night for the whole week, it was all for the sake of making extra money. In the end, it's very much worth every penny.

My precious little sister went back to Brunei to resume the work she left off before Ramadhan, just when I thought we could spend more time as a family. Hopefully she got to celebrate Raya in Malaysia.

And so I did it, sweating myself again in the interview room for the second time this year. Why do I bother really? Just for the sake to fulfill my mother's dream (again)... well, I should, I guess. Just when I thought it is for the better of me... who am I kidding? to start over in a totally new world nevertheless the same old corporate world of bureacracy and office politics? I am sucking it all and sulking at the same time just at the thought of What if I actually got the job? hmm...

God have his plan, I hope I carried mine well, so, help me.

Islam for today

As per recommended by a friend... Definitely a worthy read.
http://www.islamfortoday.com/karenarmstrong02.htm

Definitely Older... but Wiser?

... so I am another year older last Friday. Usually it came together with another depression after seeing another wrinkle on my face. But, to receive all those wishes from friends who actually remembered, kinda made my day... What a day that was, took a leave from work, spent the whole three days (and weekend) in the kitchen baking kuih for raya... what a day spent with mom... won't trade it for anything else... Although, I do wish someone took me out for dinner of something on that particular day... then again, who am I kidding huh?

Thank you God though for giving me another chance to live for at least another year older...

What have I achieved? Did I used up all the intelligence I gained for good? Or did I just took everything for granted and let all the best in life slipped away? Coz all I certainly kept thingking I keep making all the wrong decision. Wish I could closed my eyes for one minute and everything will turned out as always dreamt when I open it again. It's just keep getting harder... Or was it all just my mind wanting it to be more difficult?

Thanks to all that remembered... you are all in my heart...

aku tak bisa luluhkan hatimu
dan aku tak bisa menyentuh jiwamu
Seiring jejak kakiku bergetar
Aku telah terpagut oleh cintamu
Menelusup hariku dengan harapan(namun kau masih) terdiam membisu
Sepenuhnya aku ingin memelukmumendekap penuh harapan
Tuk mencintaimu
Setulusnya aku akan terus menunggumenanti sebuah jawaban
Tuk memilikimu
Betapa pilunya rindu menusuk jiwaku
Semoga kau tahu isi hatiku
Dan seiring waktu yang terus berputarAku masih terhanyut dalam mimpiku

Fix me.

I was so mesmerized listening to the song below, how wonderful it is to have someone 'fixing' my soul at this moment. But, for now, I will let holy Ramadhan fix me. God help me...

May you all have a blessed Ramadhan, this 1426 Hijrah... Insya Allah...

When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I
Tears stream down on your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you.

What a song from a very talented man, Chris Martin...

so I am a Drama Queen

"It's hard to be me.." (or so it seems) Keep telling that to myself these days. I have been waayyyyyyyy overreacted on to many things that it seems like I am too implicated deep into my own fuss that I looked like a damsel in distress right now. What a shame! To judge every single action people take on your life and seeing it as more surreal than what may or may not become, and at the same time hoping too high the results of action should be as what have intended in mind... Things aren’t going to be beautifully smooth all the way. I need to learn to chill out… “Go with the flow, go with the flow…” (echo) yeah, keep telling yourself that… It should work sometimes… it should…

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life
Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to the money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah
No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no
(Soundtrack of my life…)

My apology to the insults I made earlier due to my self-inflicted pain in seeking true meaning of love. It is so demeaning, (at least I thought so...) it should not came out in the first place. To speak from your heart is human, to complain is human… people can never satisfied… got to deal.

Asia Pacific has spoken..

I have been a fan and continue to do so despite lots of people hating her since Puteri. Tiara has proved that she IS a talented actress to my eyes. I knew she will do well and eventhough the home land won't recognize that, Bigger force will... way to go Tiara!

Intolerable Cruelty (in denial)

I have begun into hating them for quite a while and i will continue to do it for God knows how long more. Enough to know how shallow they can be in order to be seen with someone so freakingly gorgeous and lovely, but to treat one woman until they looked like they are so freakingly easy that she put aside all the values and virtues? That's just pure Evil!

I am so miserable right now! My soul had never felt this week.