Depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.

Again, I have been in that major depression episode. In my heart that is; because as I recall, I managed to function at my 90% best in the workplace. What would that make me? Yes, that means I am still a reliable worker indeed. Yet, I am not a stronger woman inside; as on one particular very tiring working day in a very cold place seeing me Losing it; brought me to crying uncontrollably in the car while driving back home. Not only that alone is a major hazard, me constantly wiping those tears that managed to flow non-stop made the ride even more daunting. Nevertheless, God still loves me, I manage to steer through the night and safely reach the crib. Why was I such a mess? While it may not be so clear to me on the exact reason, I still believe it had to do with me failing to let what heart matters flow like a river as I had been persistently promised myself. Funny too, after all these years, accepting the way the family has always been, I kept questioning on why I felt like a failure whenever I am around them and myself. Why I will never be worthy for somebody else to love me and keep me for the rest of my life. This fear of commitment is crazy as I realize I will never be brave enough to cross that road. How I long for those moment, and I quote what Norah Jones (in her My Blueberry Night) said, “It wasn't so hard to cross that street after all, it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side”. Do you see anyone?