From the heart (honestly)

The shivers down my spine have been contributing to my F1 racing heartbeat far too long. While I scream in the inside, I needed to say this, unable face to face, but here, once and for all:

Although I do have that good deed of accommodating everybody's happiness that sometimes take years of effort, I too, took control of destroying that felicity moment with grief in a split seconds. Yes, I am that snobbish little lady who usually play the bad guy in the movie, the manipulative b***h that will receive what she deserved all along. I paid the price now. While you waited for years, well, this is just not the time to come clean (or will it ever come?) but time to put it to rest, to lay it in the ground at the graveyard of all hearbreakers. I have love and be loved and I may never give the same and be getting a whole lot more. I won't ask for forgiveness because it will never worth to begin with, but I will wish to be forgotten, for regrets which I have a few is too hard to swallow, the memory was so well written it stuck. While I am trying to forget, I suffers, I will endure the pain of shameful decision made that may cause the heart of others, the hope and dream of another ordinary human kind. I can never be the best daughter, a reliable friend, a dependable lover and a respectable woman. I am just; me. Still, it won't stop me from saying I am sorry, because that is all I can say without reasons, without a forgiveness in return. This faith I have is gone, the fate is condone, the hate I will accept. I will just stay zombying myself to this cruel world of pure bad circumstances and ignorant torture of the heart. I do. I did love you. It's just a clumsy taken on responsibility on my part towards commitment of a lifetime. Stupidity of stubbornness and denial of the emotions. A total failure to see beyond the tender eyes.

So help me God I can live my life as who I am without expecting anything more, I will accept what ever destiny prepared for me without having to ask or wanted any explanations. I will just be.