My own Home Sweet Home

Been spending another weekend in our new home which we will officially occupied on Tuesday night 11th of March 2006, and offcially transferring the stuff on Saturday 15th of March 2006. Can't wait... been observing the kitchen cabinet deployment last Friday. Nice one indeed, although wish I could first extend the back of the house by occupying the whole 9 feet ground at the back yard not allowing any grass to grow... then again... some other time.. when the time is right, and money is there. ;-) One thing though.. wiring is still the problem.. gotta wait for Monday for it to be fixed... I hoped my patience is still at a safe level before i burst out to them pemaju and the contractor for doing such a lousy jobs to satisfy their customer especially as nice as me.. if not.. trust me, I'd be on their no 1 Hate list.

Forgetting all the hate stuff... I actually can't wait to live in a property that I can proudly called my own... be it i am in debt for the next 30 years... (hope I can live that long...)

Home sweet home, here I come... Alabama... ops.. more like Nilai Impian... where one of my dream finally came true.. Mommy.. this is for you indeed.

Unwanted yet standing strong...

She cried last night after the thought of she's over it, and it upset the rest of the family all over again...and it cause me to reminiscing...

I was introduced to a boy known to be THE one in a million for at least 5 years of acquaintances, until he broke the actually-very-fragile heart of my little sister. Just when I thought he could at least change our melancholic living family and extended it for a bigger happier home, he shattered all those dream with ridiculous excuses. So they say men can change, didn't think this give rather a huge slap to the family's face.

To whom it may concern, I thank you for ruining our heart (yet again in a totally different circumstances), for breaching our trust, for putting another shame to our life, for damaging our reputation and for all the unacceptable reason, only God can repay on behalf of us, the weak link. Yet, thank you for the knowledge that may or may not be beneficial.

The incident that followed... did not help at all.

Got introduced to a single guy by a friend with intention to help me ending all these silly unfortunate events that looked like a curse to our family and.. of course to help me out as I am getting older and still single. Surprisingly enough he rejected the matchmaking idea the minute he looked at my photo in http://www.friendster.com I guess it's just prove how they are all the same when they denied the idea we labeled them as shallow. Am I losing it? Have I reached my prime? That is a very scary thought to digest, and being the positive person I am trying hard to become, I'd be feeling low for the next few hours (70% +ve). By noon, I'll be saying "...it's His Lost!..." it is definitely is.

The longest walk...

I took the hardest and the longest way to the office today, solely because of the need to save money for the other things that, to me, worth the tiresome journey and a hunger strike (among the efforts to save the RM). To lose a few kilos of fat after that... will make things and time worthwhile, or so I hope. In another word, priceless... Walking was fun, remind me of the old days when bus is the only public transportation that is affordable, (wow, felt kinda too old as i am writing this), accompanied by good music in my I-Pod Shuffle (or rather my sister's) made the walk even more enjoyable. It felt like I am in my own music video... walking with attitude, smile with satisfaction and breathing at ease despite the toxic disposal out of the automobiles. And to share it along with hundreds other servants to the corporate world in this money-based era, made myself fit in for once... in the space full of strangers.

Walk the line...

D & D

I got my finger on the trigger
But I don't know who to trust
When I look into your eyes
There's just devils and dust
I feel a dirty wind blowing
Devils and dust

I got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust

We've got God on our side
We're just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It'll turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
Fill it with devils and dust

Now every woman and every man
They wanna take a righteous stand
Find the love that God wills
And the faith that He commands
I've got my finger on the trigger
And tonight faith just ain't enough
When I look inside my heart
There's just devils and dust

Why Gedeon Mckinney?!!!!

Another disappointment in the American idol story, at least the frustration is on me as a fan. Of those boys (who are actually all good), I was hoping Gedeon will make it through Top 5. I guess he’s not American’s favorite, or the votes wasn’t enough to keep him in the final 12!!! this is just wrong...

WHY!!? WHY!!???

I think He is one a raw talent that one of recording companies out there had to sign him up!! They must!

By the way Gedeon, my heart is out for you all the way.

Bring back the glamour...

(07/3/2006)
Just when I thought Grammy not WOW enoug, Oscar is not dissappointing, with glamour glory as a theme, it was indeed an exquisite night to remeber. And as were expected, my boyfriend, Mr George Clooney bag the best supporting actor award, and CRASH won most of the important achievement, screenplay and best picture! woohoo!! O yeah, Reese wins! Over all, when grammy was not all that entertaing, Academy sure had made my month, with John Stewart's politically incorrect jokes... I think he's ok.

Last but not least, things I do here and in my life for what it concerns is what I'd say:

"I am just trying to matter..."

I truly am. Thanks June Carter Cash, and thanks Reese for brings that up...

Rise and Fall

It is incomprehensible how Life is a well defined balanced that should keep people move on or at least stick with the routines. Yet, the event that happened recently somehow affected my routines and life sits still for that matter. Just when I thought single parent had a tough job, try being the eldest with a single parent and two other female siblings...

To begin things with, they never failed to impress me with their achievement. Or the least to have big ambitions that I knew some day will made us all proud. One has succeeded in becoming a dentist who wishes to prolong the skills to forensic, and one has been appointed as a tech leader in an IT developing firm where she only started working 4 months ago. I'd say that's something to be proud of eh? Unlike me... too afraid to pursue things I like… Changes going to come, changes will come. It better come!

Just when I thought we had a happy ending there, lightning strike again on our family, build up sorrow that long forgotten. Another dream of extending family members shattered again for unknown reason. How dare men just ended things by saying "there's just no more spark left". Bull****! All that tears for a heartless firm decision that can never be reverted to its old state of "this is a start of something good". It is such a shame that made us a fool too many times. This got to bring to a halt sometimes! sometime soon!

And it doesn't stop there... at the point where there is hope to at least ease the melancholic episode, that is our new home sweet home, the landlord did it again, loaded up the burden on our shoulders, with yet another threat that cause us restless nights, and days for that matter. How could one be so cold when it is all so clear that it begun with their wrong judgement on things that were done? How could they even involved themselves with Ah long and caused us to pay the price. It may not happen yet, but the threat sure is clear. How many unfortunate events have we heard about these malicious moneylenders. What if it happened to us? I will not forgive them should that come true to us. People... how come some could be so pitiless and cause us to worry all the times.!!!!

Of all and all that happened, I just wish our determination to stay strong in life will help us through these.
May God be with us, and all your prayers are truly appreciated.

A sweet Solace

Been very awfully quiet lately, no excitements happened other than planning and executing the moving to new house process. (I am actually bought a house, still digesting that very fact). The Grammy was just average with few disagreed winnings, still can't get hold of that Top 5 place in Treasure Hunt, no grand prize in other contest just yet, men being unbelieavably awful... After all that, sun do shine in my own private haven, come this old acquaintance, remind me all the sweet memories... what's more rewarding, even a poem for me... especially for me. Enough to make speechless and smiling for a stretch five minutes straight (that is my friend, very rare).

People, here is for your reading pleasure...

Miss Misery si Diana Jones
Detik mula kumenikam matamu
ia semalam
dan kilaunya hatimu membenderangi
semangat jaya ini
kala kita sedang berurusan untuk jadi pemerintah
dan bila tiba
kau sapa hati ini
harus aku lentuk ngalah
dibuai kesrikandianmu
menggengam kalbuku
jadi goncang dunia
pacar-pacaran bunga
memancar-mancar sukma
penuh harapan penunh ingin dada
mencurah-curah air mawar manja
membasahai badiku lemah jiwa
si gadis misteri
si gadis miseri
lalu biar aku teruskan
mengejar pelangi senja
tiada tujuh warna
semuanya biru belaka
ingin kupetik pelangi
buat kuntuman hati
di dalam ragamu sayang
kerna aku benar-benar ingin
bertakhta di hatimu
walau hiba tak sempat
dan takdir menggugat
akhirnya dapat jua aku luahkan
sebutir perasaan yang pernah terpendam
kini aku riang
mengkhabarkan kepadamu gegar jiwa yang pernah aku rasakan
lima tahun dahulu
satu harapan berangsang
agar ini persahabatan
akan harus berkekalan
sehingga takdir menentukan
...........................................................

Grammy and all that sound

It is finally over, the wait that is. And the result? to me, is not as expected. It does prove what people say about Grammy having their favorites. Still, the hopeful and the predictions do come true for 50% of them. U2? come on, I know they are great entertainers, but to have the win over the most outstanding career for 2005? It just another alma matter that Grammy had made up their mind long before Grammy nominees even put to public.

Strong Personality

Hello new year,1427 H.

Glad to be alive, glad to hear good news each new day, glad to be surrounded with lovely family members and glad to have at least have ONE good friend I can rely on. May this gladness will be a continuous feature in my life.

The recent opinion voiced by someone was just overwhelming, that is to hear that I have a Strong Personality due to my stance at this age and not having a significant other unlike everybody else by now. Hopefully it was not some sympathy remarks. Whatever it is, it had somehow made my smile stretched from one ear to another. Things I rarely do these days. And a powerful statement to be made like that just really made my day. Suddenly it boost my confidence to what may lie ahead. SIlly how simple things can changed your course of life in a snap.

Valentine's Day coming up, wonder what the air will bring me... the new breath of fresh air? Hopefully so.