THE BEGINNING OF THE END

I blog somewhere else, time to discard this memoir.

Anxiety

It's been 22 weeks and I am becoming more anxious. What will become the offspring? what will I be due to the outcome? We all for surely wish for the best. Despite the gender and despite to whom it will be spitting image of.

Wish me luck.

Money Money Money

It's the first entry for 2012, weirdly enough, negatively (although not so weird for an introvert like me) I started it with one may deemed it as the root of all evil and others may see it as a source for all happiness.

While we strive so hard in this world to buy everything we missed out during our childhood, purchased what we see as necessities when it doesn't and basically get whatever we want in life, little we know we missed out the very important lesson our parents thought us. That lesson is, "Living is temporary, things aren't permanent, but education and prayers go a Long way, a very long way"

Although Ego made us ignore whatever mama tells us, deep down in our throat, in our heart, we long to blurt out that it is so true. So, when do we listened and eventually do something about it? I hope despite all disappointments in life involving money and materials, perhaps one day, I can just woken up and smile, and tell myself, it is another good day to be alive, so live as it is, for all good deeds being paid and for all mistakes we learned and redeem our self. all without checking in our purse or bank statements every once in a while.

It's D-Day in D-Month again...

How time flies, and how I almost ignoring this link. People say we only blog when we sad but I beg to differ. This blog may be abandoned but it was never forgotten, it's just my way of limiting my blabs on my personal life to the world. Once in a while it's good to share and perhaps if there's envy; I never intended to, if there's a lessons learned, hope it will become a guidance and if it's an empathy, hope you remember me with all the good deeds. Insya Allah...

It's my second birthday celebrated with husband, he managed to pamper me with flowers and good time again.

Felt Bad when he had to go the distance to make me happy, but at least he tried and I am thankful for all the ups and downs on one year living together and a period of getting to know each other spent very well without a baby just yet. I guess God really does work in a mysterious way. Despite the worrisome of my age and not pregnant yet, things must happened for reasons. Hikmah they say. And I am not giving up on that just yet.

I dreamed reading Quran last night... and it may means --> Alamat anda akan beroleh kebesaran dan barokah atau kesihatan anda dimurahi. Insya Allah...

The Perfect Housewife.

Remember when you were in love? Accepting others traits and appearance is the noblest thing to do. And if you were to decide to bail out after maybe few unaccepted discoveries, you will deem shallow. Therefore the next best thing to do is, suck it up and agreeing, that we are, indeed not perfect ourselves. Then comes marriage, the biggest thing learned is; BOYS WILL BE BOYS, GIRLS NEED TO GROW UP and become a WOMAN. Sounds unfair? That is life.

So, what is the perfect housewife really? I learn it the hard way and at the earliest (and perhaps I shall be thankful for that) of what do Men really want in a housewife. And to get that fact supported our own mother; even more terrifying! Be it EITHER you have a hot body like GABRIELLE SOLIS, or you are smart and supportive like LYNETTE SCAVO or a true lady like BREE VAN DE KAMP, truth is, you need to have ALL THAT Traits to become an Ideal Housewife. Otherwise, be prepared for worst to come.

What next? Well, to me, since I have waited all my life to be married, as much as I hated cooking and ironing, being an orthodox myself, suck it up is indeed what I intent to do. Learn to be the best in every single thing we do in life, we do not need one too many critics in our life, trust me; you will be crying endlessly. To avoid them is to learn and show them that you care enough to care for others.

To begin with though, love yourself dearly before you can move that affection to others. Like they say it in the Plane safety brochure, “Put your oxygen mask on before assisting others.” They didn’t stress that enough for nothing. ;-)

EAT PRAY LOVE

So what if I just want to only Eat, Pray and be in Love? Who's with me? And after these long silence... new chapter in life finally made thinking LONG and HARD. Why? beats me. Wish again I have all the answers. Wish those lights that have been shed on me is enlightened me on all the right subject matters.

Or was I only trying to focus on what I want things to be and work? I have been selfish all along? Or was I playing along with them. These crossing of thoughts is killing me!

Changes...

I'm sentimental
So I walk in the rain
I've got some habits
Even I can't explain
Go to the corner
I end up in Spain
Why try to change me now

I sit and daydream
I've got daydreams galore
Cigarette ashes
There they go on the floor
Go away weekends
Leave my keys in the door
Why try to change me now

Why can't I be more conventional
People talk
And they stare
So I try
But can't be
Cuz I can't see
My strange little world
Just go passing me by

So let people wonder
Let 'em laugh
Let 'em frown
You know I'll love you
Till the moon's upside down
Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me now

Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me
Why try to change me now

IndulgeHere

Where have Diana Jones gone?

What am I really? Thought I am a collector, yet I do not have full collections. Thought I am a movie addict but I seldom go to the movie theatres. Always saw myself a music enthusiast, yet I only enjoy a certain songs from a certain artists or certain moments 'em really caught my ears. Thought I love to read, yet I just buy books and hardly have time to read. Keep telling people I love RED too much, yet only few REDS I own in the wardrobe. Really believed am into fashion, but always came out bland...and the list didn't stop there.

I do know I really busy with work. Turns out my hectic professional life only gets me to be deemed as 'not-knowledgeable' by fellow peers. It tears me down badly to know colleagues hate my guts and selling how I do not deserved whatever I got in extra just because I cannot concentrate on ONE thing when I have to settle everything.

So, how will it reflects to whatever decisions I made in my everyday routines? Will they continue to see me as a hypocrite? Or I am still just plain lost? Wish I have answers to all things that are in my mind. Wish I stop cried over my life.

In the meantime.... Wish at least some-ONE dreams a little dream of me...

Dalam Hati Ada Taman

merisik-risik...

and marked...

and now... anxiously waiting for the big day...

Love Story ~ Cinta tak salah...

It’s hard ya? When they say if you are in a relationship of what they called abnormal? Age wise, experience wise or emotionally challenge. How’s thing so far? It is being handled pretty gracefully (or so I thought). And am I glad when all things worked out for the better, when one finally understood the priority, the right DECISION needed to be made during tumultuous time. And at this moment...; I am certain, I have made the right choice.... So help me God!

Gita Gutawa ~ Selamat Datang Cinta

"denganmu sepiku kan berganti,
berganti keindahan
yang belum pernah kurasa
kamu gelora di jiwaku
taklukan keraguan
dan ketakutan hatiku
selamat datang cinta di hatiku
ku sebut hadirmu
berikan aku cinta rahasia kehidupan
tanpa engkau cinta aku butakau cahaya hati
cinta tak pernah salah dalam memilih"

Snap III

Just like any other afternoon, watching TV with my mother, the show on tele "Jangan Lupa Lirik!". And while I am in the game like the contestant, singing along to the song to figure out the lyrics, mom said " Suara adik lagi sedap dari suara kau la Na..."... waahhh! kecik hati weih.

hehehehe.

I hate...

I'm not really jealous, don't like lookin' like a clown.
I think of you ev'ry night and day.
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.
Can't break free from the the things that you do.
that's why I hate myself for loving you...

Love Story ~ Bila hanya Hati Bersuara

What is another cliché in the Lovey-Dovey lane? When there is more silence than conversation made while together, one will be deemed boring; be it either party can be blamed. But what if, silence is all we need to hear heart said out “I love you” very loud indeed inside? I’d say I can’t complaint. My heart never beats this fast that wasn’t accompanied by a short breath when your stamina failed on you. But it beats with good sound of rhythm that only me and perhaps only us listens.

Check point: While there is complication, I am still happy.

Love Story ~ Crazy Act # 2

Like any other day, being away and all, calls are the closest any lovebird can feel the other without having trying too hard. And JUST like any other day since these cloudy nine feeling beneath my feet floating me around, I received his call on the way back home.

:“dah naik train? Ni dah kat mana?”
:“KL sentral, kamu di mana nih?”
:“kat jalan sg besi, Jam.. kenapa eh?”
: “entah… “ and etc etc etc

Call ended, and I am back sleeping, enjoying the ride. Another call came in…

:“still jam la, boring.. dah kat mana ni?”
:“baru.. err… mana ni?... kajang.”
:“pukul berapa sampai?”
:“err.. setengah jam lagi kot”
:“ok… hati2….”


With that I am back to napping again… until finally reached the destination. Validate the ticket, walk towards my car as usual without bothering of what’s happening around, I didn’t even notice a commotion at the far end of the parking lot until someone pointing it out later. Unlock the door, get into the car, started my engine, and, as I about to shut the door, there’s a knock on my window… and there he was… the sweet face that keep bugging my mind night and day. He was there all the while he called earlier. He waited for me for an hour. And I didn’t even notice his car? Isk… After few minutes “what are you doing? What?” and speechless for a second, then only he suggested to go for a drink, and so we went off for a drink before I finally back home.

Once again my friend, this might also happened to you too many times, this is another FIRST for me. I appreciated the gesture far off until me totally overrating it. Some people told me that what he had done is scary, I’d say; I love him more for that…. And again I never stopped smiling…Crazy I know. But I love it! I love him (wow, did I just say Love 3 times?)

Love Story ~ Crazy Act # 1

There’s an old saying of “orang, kalau dah bercinta, nampak bumbung rumah pun cukup”. As cliché as it sounds these sayings have become something to laugh about whenever to tease those in love. And then there’s another when, you know if the guy call and said “cuba tengok kat balkoni” and these days girls usually not totally believing guys would actually do that (that they were actually out there wanted to see you as a result of missing you so much). These days being the post 21st century where supposedly fairytale and fantasy should be left as it is.

And on one fine night, DJ happened to decide to go to bed earlier, the guy call as usual and weird of the idea me sleeping early. Since he’s still driving outside, she decided to wait a little bit longer before she finally closes her eyes. While tidying up a bit stretches up the bed sheet, the call came in. “… cuba kamu tengok kat Balkoni…” She just laugh while thinking “yeah right?”, and yet still walk towards the window, looking outside and to her surprise, there it was; a familiar car parked in front of the house. He really is outside, at 12 midnight. So, the driving earlier was towards here? She went out to the balcony, and the talk on the phone continued for the next fifteen minutes and as speechless as anyone can be, she managed to just laugh through the whole conversation digesting the event that just happened.

This particular event may have happened to you too many times; but this is definitely the FIRST for me. If there is a serenade followed after would be a more dramatic episode to remember eh? ;-)Tell me honestly how would you feel if you were in my place? And as for me, the smiling never stopped until the next day.

Love Story ~ D-day 2009

Between Cake, flowers and Sunset... D-Day never been this perfect... Thanks Darling....

p/s: Thanks for all the other gifts and thoughts from beloved friends...appreciate it much.

Love Story ~ Monologue

How do you convinced one is The One? When you constantly thinking about him and it distract your concentration? When you realized you cannot live for 12 hours not hearing his voice or receive his text or read his email? When one has to rebel to prove it’s the absolute choice?

So they say Love drives you crazy, it really does and I’d never thought I will have the chance to live the moment again. Although they are still uncertainty as any love story always have been, a dramatic experience of professing one’s true emotions is something I think any play worth being staged for. And I am planning to shout all the right scripts to the other ends, while at it, I may annoys the spectators or I might just as well gets a standing ovation. One thing for sure, I think I am on a right track of the trailer…

A Hopeless Romantic after all..

Mom said Love is blind. Others said seek and you shall find. For years we search, endure and broken, funny how it only took a week to found the one. And one might add “so you’d say”, but is it really true? Love that you seek was just few meters away all along? How poetic little words sounded so comforting that you take every word of it and seal it closely to heart? Is this how finally Diana Jones is tamed? With such beautifully craved lyrical speech fed into her heart and mind so spontaneous, it seems so genuine and truthfully from the heart. So, she is loved, she is actually contented, for she played it along in a beautiful little world she longed and finally lives on. The feeling was great and she never been happier. Despite; she does hope she is not hurting other important human beings while she felt for the significant other of the heart matter.

Reminiscing Moko – October 2008

"Adegan kayak gini paling sering ada di
film-film, seorang cowok ngasih jaketnya ke sang cewek untuk dipakai. Lambang
pelindung, superrioritas, dan ke-essential-an laki-laki yang lebih tegar dari
wanita, sekaligus lambang kelmebutan wanita yang akan selalu memancarkan
aura-aura dengan keindahan tak terhingga yang harus laki-laki jaga dan lindungi.
Setiap nonton adegan seperti ini, dulu gue sering banget mencoba meraba-raba
mengartikannya. Tapi sekarang gue ngerasain sendiri... rasanya lain
banget."

That I borrowed from the words of Indy written by Donny Dhirgantoro in his book 5cm. Kangen si jadinya... ah, what a memory.

p/s: Loh, koq puasa-puasa mikirin ini?

Perempuan Berkalung Sorban... itu Aku

Lek Khudori quoting to strong Muslimah:

“Aku tidak butuh laki-laki untuk tempat bergantung, tapi aku butuh laki-laki
untuk aku cintai” kata Ontosoroh

Anissa concluded:

"Kalian semua adalah calon muslimah, calon istri untuk suami kalian tercinta,
dan calon ibu untuk anak-anak yang kalian sayangi. Surga menurut janji Alloh,
ada di bawah telapak kaki kita, perempuan. Tapi jangan lupa satu hal bahwa Alloh juga memberikan manusia kebebasan. Mau jadi apapun kalian nanti, pilihlah jalan
Alloh dengan rasa bebas dan dengan hati yang ikhlas. Dengan begitu insya’Alloh
kita akan hidup dengan tenang dan tanpa rasa benci.”

While Me:
Di saat tangisan sebagai hamba yang lemah didengari Allah, aku semakin sayangkan Ramadhan, aku mau banyakkan amal... supaya nanti aku tetap berjumpa sama Lek Khudori aku, walau untuk sementara, walau aku harus tunggu hingga akhir usia. Aku tau Allah akan sentiasa menemani aku di saat aku lupa dan terlalu occupied dengan masalah dunia. Aku tidak akan mengalah dengan tarikan amarah... Insya Allah...


Ketika Cinta - CT (dengar)