THE BEGINNING OF THE END

I blog somewhere else, time to discard this memoir.

Anxiety

It's been 22 weeks and I am becoming more anxious. What will become the offspring? what will I be due to the outcome? We all for surely wish for the best. Despite the gender and despite to whom it will be spitting image of.

Wish me luck.

Money Money Money

It's the first entry for 2012, weirdly enough, negatively (although not so weird for an introvert like me) I started it with one may deemed it as the root of all evil and others may see it as a source for all happiness.

While we strive so hard in this world to buy everything we missed out during our childhood, purchased what we see as necessities when it doesn't and basically get whatever we want in life, little we know we missed out the very important lesson our parents thought us. That lesson is, "Living is temporary, things aren't permanent, but education and prayers go a Long way, a very long way"

Although Ego made us ignore whatever mama tells us, deep down in our throat, in our heart, we long to blurt out that it is so true. So, when do we listened and eventually do something about it? I hope despite all disappointments in life involving money and materials, perhaps one day, I can just woken up and smile, and tell myself, it is another good day to be alive, so live as it is, for all good deeds being paid and for all mistakes we learned and redeem our self. all without checking in our purse or bank statements every once in a while.

It's D-Day in D-Month again...

How time flies, and how I almost ignoring this link. People say we only blog when we sad but I beg to differ. This blog may be abandoned but it was never forgotten, it's just my way of limiting my blabs on my personal life to the world. Once in a while it's good to share and perhaps if there's envy; I never intended to, if there's a lessons learned, hope it will become a guidance and if it's an empathy, hope you remember me with all the good deeds. Insya Allah...

It's my second birthday celebrated with husband, he managed to pamper me with flowers and good time again.

Felt Bad when he had to go the distance to make me happy, but at least he tried and I am thankful for all the ups and downs on one year living together and a period of getting to know each other spent very well without a baby just yet. I guess God really does work in a mysterious way. Despite the worrisome of my age and not pregnant yet, things must happened for reasons. Hikmah they say. And I am not giving up on that just yet.

I dreamed reading Quran last night... and it may means --> Alamat anda akan beroleh kebesaran dan barokah atau kesihatan anda dimurahi. Insya Allah...

The Perfect Housewife.

Remember when you were in love? Accepting others traits and appearance is the noblest thing to do. And if you were to decide to bail out after maybe few unaccepted discoveries, you will deem shallow. Therefore the next best thing to do is, suck it up and agreeing, that we are, indeed not perfect ourselves. Then comes marriage, the biggest thing learned is; BOYS WILL BE BOYS, GIRLS NEED TO GROW UP and become a WOMAN. Sounds unfair? That is life.

So, what is the perfect housewife really? I learn it the hard way and at the earliest (and perhaps I shall be thankful for that) of what do Men really want in a housewife. And to get that fact supported our own mother; even more terrifying! Be it EITHER you have a hot body like GABRIELLE SOLIS, or you are smart and supportive like LYNETTE SCAVO or a true lady like BREE VAN DE KAMP, truth is, you need to have ALL THAT Traits to become an Ideal Housewife. Otherwise, be prepared for worst to come.

What next? Well, to me, since I have waited all my life to be married, as much as I hated cooking and ironing, being an orthodox myself, suck it up is indeed what I intent to do. Learn to be the best in every single thing we do in life, we do not need one too many critics in our life, trust me; you will be crying endlessly. To avoid them is to learn and show them that you care enough to care for others.

To begin with though, love yourself dearly before you can move that affection to others. Like they say it in the Plane safety brochure, “Put your oxygen mask on before assisting others.” They didn’t stress that enough for nothing. ;-)

EAT PRAY LOVE

So what if I just want to only Eat, Pray and be in Love? Who's with me? And after these long silence... new chapter in life finally made thinking LONG and HARD. Why? beats me. Wish again I have all the answers. Wish those lights that have been shed on me is enlightened me on all the right subject matters.

Or was I only trying to focus on what I want things to be and work? I have been selfish all along? Or was I playing along with them. These crossing of thoughts is killing me!

Changes...

I'm sentimental
So I walk in the rain
I've got some habits
Even I can't explain
Go to the corner
I end up in Spain
Why try to change me now

I sit and daydream
I've got daydreams galore
Cigarette ashes
There they go on the floor
Go away weekends
Leave my keys in the door
Why try to change me now

Why can't I be more conventional
People talk
And they stare
So I try
But can't be
Cuz I can't see
My strange little world
Just go passing me by

So let people wonder
Let 'em laugh
Let 'em frown
You know I'll love you
Till the moon's upside down
Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me now

Don't you remember
I was always your clown
Why try to change me
Why try to change me now

IndulgeHere

Where have Diana Jones gone?

What am I really? Thought I am a collector, yet I do not have full collections. Thought I am a movie addict but I seldom go to the movie theatres. Always saw myself a music enthusiast, yet I only enjoy a certain songs from a certain artists or certain moments 'em really caught my ears. Thought I love to read, yet I just buy books and hardly have time to read. Keep telling people I love RED too much, yet only few REDS I own in the wardrobe. Really believed am into fashion, but always came out bland...and the list didn't stop there.

I do know I really busy with work. Turns out my hectic professional life only gets me to be deemed as 'not-knowledgeable' by fellow peers. It tears me down badly to know colleagues hate my guts and selling how I do not deserved whatever I got in extra just because I cannot concentrate on ONE thing when I have to settle everything.

So, how will it reflects to whatever decisions I made in my everyday routines? Will they continue to see me as a hypocrite? Or I am still just plain lost? Wish I have answers to all things that are in my mind. Wish I stop cried over my life.

In the meantime.... Wish at least some-ONE dreams a little dream of me...

Dalam Hati Ada Taman

merisik-risik...

and marked...

and now... anxiously waiting for the big day...

Love Story ~ Cinta tak salah...

It’s hard ya? When they say if you are in a relationship of what they called abnormal? Age wise, experience wise or emotionally challenge. How’s thing so far? It is being handled pretty gracefully (or so I thought). And am I glad when all things worked out for the better, when one finally understood the priority, the right DECISION needed to be made during tumultuous time. And at this moment...; I am certain, I have made the right choice.... So help me God!

Gita Gutawa ~ Selamat Datang Cinta

"denganmu sepiku kan berganti,
berganti keindahan
yang belum pernah kurasa
kamu gelora di jiwaku
taklukan keraguan
dan ketakutan hatiku
selamat datang cinta di hatiku
ku sebut hadirmu
berikan aku cinta rahasia kehidupan
tanpa engkau cinta aku butakau cahaya hati
cinta tak pernah salah dalam memilih"